Srila Prabhupada on wife and husband

When a man joins the movement, becoming a devotee of Krishna seems rather easy for him, as long as he is serious and determined. It's more complicated for a woman. It's even more complicated if she's Indian in India. That's why we saw more women joining in Western countries. 

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This morning, I was hearing Srila Prabhupada's lecture on women and the grihastha ashram: "and in the thirteenth He allured the atheists by the charming beauty of a woman and gave nectar to the demigods to drink." (SB. 1.3.17) *

He said: "This is very interesting verse. [laughs] To have very charming wife is not very good. [chuckles] And in your country you have got all charming wives."

In this lecture, he explains what a family looked like in Vedic culture.The one that existed 5000 years ago… It has been a long time… We must realize that the mention is not for imitation. It is not possible. Family traditions have changed quite a bit from two centuries ago, almost radically, can you imagine from 50 centuries ago!

But I'm not sure devotees understand that quite well. For proof, I am right now discussing with one of them (2023); he does not accept this fact, that men and women's qualities during dvapara yuga are different to those of today. We are discussing, in particular, the qualification of the guru. His ideas mirror my experience with many devotees on this point. I am convinced that gurus do not have the same qualities as those of the past. The guru always remains the humble servant of his guru. Prabhupada will not claim to be the equal of his guru, what to speak of Bhaktivinoda Thakur or, further still, Madhavendra Puri.

To explain the culture, inspired by the verse of the SB, Prabhupada makes reference to Chanakya Pandit. I'll summarize it, but you can go and read the whole transcript by yourself. See what that means when I say things have changed with the passage of time: "Family means we live with father, mother, wife and children". That was the situation in India around the middle of the 20th.

 He gives more precision: "In your country, family does not mean father-mother, only wife and children. But in our country, according to Vedic civilization, family is a large conception; there is father, mother, brother, sister, sister's son, brother's son."

In 2023, this had changed in India. The trend starts to look just like in the West. Srila Prabhupada was nostalgic of the past. He liked to quote Chanakya who says, himself referring much further still to the Manu Samhita, thus driving the point home: "There are four kinds of enemies in family life. A father who is a great debtor; a mother, if she marries for the second time; a very beautiful wife, and the son if he is a fool, rascal." 

Prabhupada: "Because the son inherits the money of the father, if he dies as a debtor, the son becomes responsible to pay the debts. That is the law, according to Manu-saṁhitā. I do not know what is the law here. I don't think the son is responsible for paying the debts of father, but in India that is the law."

Srila Prabhupada had a bad experience of family life, especially because he didn't like his wife. At one point, he wanted to take a second wife, but his father discouraged him. He was a good religious person, a vaishnava. Prabhupada liked him very much. His father told him that it is a great fortune for his spiritual progres if he doesn't like his wife. To be attached is not good. Don't try to get a charming and beautiful wife. 

Prabhupada: "Now I am realizing my father's blessing, yes, that if I would have been too much attached to my wife, then I could not have come to this position. That's a fact. So by ethical point of view, from spiritual point of view, to become too much attached to wife is an impediment for spiritual advancement."

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* Transcriptions on Prabhupada vani

Published by ISKCON Vaiṣṇavi Ministry

"When Srila Prabhupada first said in a class that for a man association with a woman is dangerous because she makes him loose control over his senses, the male devotees started acting very nastily with the women of that particular temple. 

The ladies expressed their pain to Prabhupada who then called in all the men and said: “I was talking of materialistic women, not of the women of the movement. These are angels.”

Srila Prabhupada also said in another instance: “When we talk of women, we do not talk about those of our movement because by associating with these women, if they are Krishna Conscious, you will be liberated.” (Madhavananda)

NB. The object one sees is a water sprinkler, or implement used to sprinkle holy water..

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On a personal footnote, I will add that if the men are also angels, it is much better. Anyway, according to Vedic culture, a Krishna conscious women depend entirely on the husband or his family. Women equal to men was an oxymoron. Only among Gods and angels women are equal to men, I believe.