The renunciation of Nimai: ​a crucial decision # 24

24

Sannyasis represent the mentors of society, and their status commands respect. In India, everyone honors a sannyasi (an attitude that bestows spiritual benefits), for the austere vows required by this order demand that one sacrifice everything to God—leaving behind family, property, money, prestige, and fame to dedicate oneself to a life of renunciation, prayer, and preaching.

Having weighed the pros and cons, Nimai opts for this solution, but he dreads the major obstacle represented by his wife and mother. They will oppose his rigorous decision with all their might, and no one could blame them, for he represents to them not only what they hold most dear in the world, but the ultimate object of their adoration. They no longer need to be reminded of the divine characteristics of this being in human form. They have often witnessed his mystical surges and extraordinary feats. All of this, added to the words of a multitude of people who constantly proclaim his greatness and wonders (not to mention the Scriptures that corroborate his birth and activities), has led them to an immeasurable attachment. Although this bond is spiritual in nature, breaking or altering it, even superficially, would cause considerable psychological damage. He is aware of this and reflects on how to appease this storm of guilty feelings, obligations, and principles surging over him. He finally makes the necessary decision: he will embrace the order of sannyasa in the coming days.

This resolution stimulates him all the more, as if he had been waiting for this his entire life.

Sachidevi and her daughter-in-law are surprised by the transformation of their beloved after these days of anxiety and isolation: peaceful and available, he invites them to share these sweet moments. They hasten to take advantage of this providential disposition, for lately he had granted them so little of this intimate company. Whenever he returned, in fact, there was a massive crowd that had to be contained at the entrance of the courtyard. They all wanted his opinion, his advice, and his instructions on thousands of subjects. Naturally, this crowd of onlookers, pilgrims, and devotees was filtered. Many of them, even when their motives were urgent, would leave after several days without having met him. His mother and wife were among these unfortunate ones—though luckier, however, as they could slip into his room to serve him refreshments or busy themselves with some task his servants might have overlooked.

In recent years, such occasions were rare. From now on, he is alone and demands to be so. He allows them, however, to approach him for the simple pleasure of being together. The poor women do not suspect that this is the calm before the storm. Their happiness is at its peak, and they wish it would last forever. But the reality is quite different, for Nimai has decided to leave them this very night...

The day before, many devotees had come to find him. This was no simple coincidence since on this day, in Bengal, the feast of the goddess Lakshmi was being celebrated with great pomp. And for the occasion, to say his farewells in a way, Nimai had arranged for all his relatives to gather at his residence and lose themselves in a wild kirtana. Only a few intimates, such as Nityananda Prabhu, Gadadhara Pandit, and Mukunda Datta, are in on the secret. All had brought a garland of flowers and other gifts to offer him. He accepted the garlands one by one, then placed them around the neck of the person who had given them to him. Knowing he was leaving them, he recommended: "Constantly chant the names of Krishna. Under no condition must you abandon this meditation. While you wash, while you eat, while you work, whether it is day or night, no matter the situation you find yourself in, always have the holy name on your lips; dream of it if possible! If you have any love for me, speak only of Krishna (and nothing else); that is what would please me."

As the devotees approached him to offer gifts, he returned them by embracing them with his long, blessing arms. Resting his head on their shoulders, his eyes wet, sometimes addressing one of them in particular, sometimes the assembly, he exhorted them: "Krishna is the origin of us all; He is our father. The son who shows no gratitude toward his parents is sure to go to hell life after life. Always chant these holy names: Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare / Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare. This is no ordinary mantra, but the 'great' mantra, the most powerful of them all, their essence. No other religious principle is required for one who chants it constantly. All the principles and rules of the Scriptures are subordinate to this practice; so do not worry if you do not fulfill the circumstantial duties imposed by religion."

Sachidevi has gone to bed, leaving Vishnu Priya to enjoy these rare moments of heart-to-heart with her husband. Tired, they too sink into sleep. Nimai falls asleep first, while his wife massages his calves. She has placed a garland of fragrant jasmine around his feet, and it is in this tender and affectionate service that she loses consciousness and slips into the arms of the night.

When Nimai quietly withdraws from his bed, the night is late. But the signs of dawn are not yet perceptible. Even the birds are still asleep. The garland from his feet remains caught in the arms of Vishnu Priya, who is fast asleep. He leaves the family home, taking nothing with him. He leaves it forever.

A little later, Vishnu Priya, awakened by a presentiment, notices her husband's absence. A premonition, born from the memory of these last enchanting days, instantly illuminates her mind, and, as if struck by the cruelest of fates, a horrible intuition dawns on her face. she remembers very well now the day Nimai returned home accompanied by a venerable sannyasi named Keshava Bharati; he had met him in the street and invited him to eat.

Nothing then betrayed the intentions that had sprouted in her husband's mind, no sign had struck her; but now, in the space of a few seconds, so many things that have become obvious succeed one another in her mind like a kaleidoscope. She remembers the gaiety that had flooded her, the happiness felt at seeing her husband happy, her own enthusiasm and also, oh misery! her carefreeness, her naivety for which she was going to pay so dearly. She remembers the gestures and snatches of casual conversation that led her to this tragedy. At the time, her husband's words sounded like simple polite formulas: "Please grant me your mercy and deliver me from the entanglement in which I live...", but at this moment they prove to be, in fact, sincere words intended to adopt a higher degree of religious life. This phrase, with its grave intonation and persistent supplication, bounces and echoes in her head like a devilish melody. If she had been more perceptive, she thinks, she could have discussed it with her mother-in-law and their friends, and together they would have dissuaded him, but now it is too late; her husband must be on his way to Katwa to meet Keshava Bharati Maharaj. Only God could stop him, by a twist of fate...

The night persists in unison (one might think) when Vishnu Priya knocks on her mother-in-law's door. Surprised at first by the vehemence of the knocks and the agitation shown by her usually sweet and serene daughter-in-law, and at this ungodly hour, she wakes up completely when she glimpses in the moonlight the despair and suffering disfiguring the features of her angelic face. When Sachidevi realizes this ruthless reality, she rushes into the countryside followed by Vishnu Priya, like two madwomen, in search of Nimai. Like cows whose calves have been taken away, they will be found in the morning, inconsolable, crushed by inexorable destiny. It is their servant who will see them first, sitting on the porch of the house, sobbing and devastated by suffering. When the devotees arrive, as they do every morning, to meet Nimai, they are stunned by the abnormal scene that portends a curse. To their pressing and anxious questions, Sachidevi manages to answer between gasps: "He is gone... He is gone, for good."
Then, looking at them with tearful eyes and a convulsed face, she cries out with all her strength: "He has gone to be ordained as a sannyasi!" and collapses, her head between her knees, weeping all the more.

The silence, punctuated by the muffled lamentations of this woman broken by pain, becomes heavy. The devotees received the news like a slap in the face.

"I have nothing left, I have lost everything," she continues. "He will not return, just like his brother; take everything you find in the house, I can no longer enter it, I am going to live elsewhere..." Out of breath, a sob cuts her off and throws her into her daughter-in-law's arms.

Sachidevi is also a mother to them all; they console her: "But if you leave, who will take care of his young wife? She is only fourteen and cannot be left to herself. Courage, we will all help you, you will see, it will be alright, we must carry on."

However, when the devotees find themselves alone, they realize the weight of the tragedy. A grim pall descends upon them. The prospect of a future without Nimai seems unbearable to them. Some weep and lament, others wander here and there without any particular purpose and fall into states of pitiful prostration. Still others, half-delirious, conceive a plan to bring him back, or at least to see him one last time before the ceremony; for after it, never again will he appear to them decorated with his long and beautiful curly hair, with his waist draped in yellow silk garments and his neck adorned with a necklace of fine pearls; never again will they smell the perfumes on him whose intoxicating scents deliver one instantly from anxieties; and never again will they hear the soft tinkling of the bells on his ankles. The entire universe will seem empty to them without his daily presence, with his black eyes like the lotus. What were they to become?

Preceding chapter : The purpose of Chaitanya's mission in this world # 23